Uncomfortably Numb

It was the look on her face and the tone in her voice. I had seen it before, so long ago, in the eyes of another. I knew it was over before she even said it. I didn't want it to happen but had to admit that it was probably best. I regret consenting, but don't. It needed to happen but I still don't want it to. I'm angry, scared, sad, miserable, and overall just numb. How could something so perfect go so wrong?

I couldn't imagine my life without her. She was the person I saw myself with next week, next month, next year, and on and on after that. And it all came crashing down in the lobby of the Biotech building. A place where we'd had countless fun times with friends. Tarnished forever by one bad memory.

The gray of the clouds and the gray of the composite table material captured the mood perfectly.

There was nothing to say, but at the same time, there was volumes to say. I wanted to scream, cry, beg, just say anything, but couldn't. I sat there, uncomfortable in my own skin, realizing the sobering truth. I can always find the right words, except when I need them most. I couldn't look her in the eye, knowing that my silent hope to see a flicker of the same passion I'd seen so many times would be dashed.

The all-too-familiar lyrics that filled my profile and away messages so long ago have returned. I can find solace only in the music that got me through it once before. Embrace the feelings, and come to terms with them. Only then maybe I can move on.

But not yet.

Not for a very long time.