Um...Yea

So if you're reading this, I apologize. There's no real point here, I'm just going to ramble a bit. I haven't been able to shut off my mind for the last few days. I haven't been able to sleep, I don't want to eat. It's been a very long week, with an undoubtedly longer one ahead. Biochem lab is going to own my soul, let's just say that much.

Other than that...well...it's the same. But different. Familiar.

Dad's surgery went well, I guess that's the good news.

So what's the bad news? Pretty much everything else. I do have awesome friends who have tried to keep me in good spirits. I wish I could believe everything I've ever said about optimism. Everything I've ever said about destiny and fate. Everything I ever believed when I was lonely but hopeful.

Now I just feel alone.

And I can't help but feel it's my fault.

I guess it's a good thing that Biochem lab is going to own my soul this week. At least I'll have some place to put it.

Now Coldplay - "Fix You". A beautiful, but ultimately painful, song.

"When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"

Uncomfortably Numb

It was the look on her face and the tone in her voice. I had seen it before, so long ago, in the eyes of another. I knew it was over before she even said it. I didn't want it to happen but had to admit that it was probably best. I regret consenting, but don't. It needed to happen but I still don't want it to. I'm angry, scared, sad, miserable, and overall just numb. How could something so perfect go so wrong?

I couldn't imagine my life without her. She was the person I saw myself with next week, next month, next year, and on and on after that. And it all came crashing down in the lobby of the Biotech building. A place where we'd had countless fun times with friends. Tarnished forever by one bad memory.

The gray of the clouds and the gray of the composite table material captured the mood perfectly.

There was nothing to say, but at the same time, there was volumes to say. I wanted to scream, cry, beg, just say anything, but couldn't. I sat there, uncomfortable in my own skin, realizing the sobering truth. I can always find the right words, except when I need them most. I couldn't look her in the eye, knowing that my silent hope to see a flicker of the same passion I'd seen so many times would be dashed.

The all-too-familiar lyrics that filled my profile and away messages so long ago have returned. I can find solace only in the music that got me through it once before. Embrace the feelings, and come to terms with them. Only then maybe I can move on.

But not yet.

Not for a very long time.

BOOOOOORED

Well, break is almost over and the double-edged sword is upon us all once again. For some, break was pretty boring and we anxiously await our return to the 'Burg. For others, we're heading into this upcoming semester kicking and screaming. Me? I fall somewhere in between the two.

Break was, at times, boring, but overall, I managed to keep busy. I suppose. Busy enough. Does sleeping a lot count? Working definitely does, and I did enough of that. I like being home, it's very relaxing overall, I eat well and don't have the stress of classes, exams, lab reports, all that jazz. But I also don't get to see any of my VT crew. My friends at Tech have become such a part of everyday life that it really has become a significant adjustment to be home. Not that I don't have friends here, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to find common time to hang out.

I guess I'd have to say that I'm actually looking forward to this semester. It's gonna be a busy one, that's for sure. There's barely an hour in the week that I'm not in class, let alone getting work done. Then there's fraternity stuff (which PS I will not let slide because I'm busy) and mandatory relaxation (free time - say what?)

I have to look at it in a historical context. The busier I am, the better I tend to do in my classes. My fullest semesters have been the ones in which my GPA has been the highest and I've had the most fun. It's when I have too much free time that I start to slack. I guess free time and relaxation beget more free time and relaxation. If I'm constantly moving, constantly doing something, I tend to be very organized and productive. Go figure. This semester certainly will be the test. It's not like I'm taking more credits than normal (I've only got 15) but they are the hardest ones I've faced, and I'm also teaching, which is a new experience all of its own. I just hope I have some of my mom's teaching genes. I've had success at tutoring, so I hope it can carry over to presenting information in front of 60+ people who rely on me to tell them what's right.

All of a sudden, I'm feeling some pressure.

I'm really looking forward to Biochem Lab. Weird, I know. I'm actually looking forward to the 6-credit demon. I'm hoping that it will be more interesting than the pedantic titrations of AChem lab, the nonsensical ion combinations of Gen Chem, and the poorly-worded assignments of OChem lab (which I think was actually the best lab of them all). Don't even get me started on the Bio labs at Tech. Well, except Micro. That was a really good lab too. If the labs we do in Biochem are the same ones that have been done in past years, I think I'll like it. Actual wet-lab experience with cloning and biotechnology. Bitchin. I just hope I can write up the labs as well as I think I can do them.

That's about all for now. Back to Tech on Sunday. Maybe I can find something to do for a few hours before I actually feel like falling asleep...

Be Gone, Lesser Vick

It's time for my official evaluation of the Marcus Vick situation. I refrained from posting immediately after hearing the news, I wanted to mull it over, gauge the response, etc. to gain a better perspective on the situation. All in all, my opinion hasn't changed - he deserved to go.

Marcus has been a constant thorn in the Hokies' side. He came in riding his brother's success, believed he was the best from day one, and acted invincible. We let this slide because we thought he'd live up to the hype - he was faster than Michael, potentially better - we ate it all up. Then came the first scandal. Then the second. Then tales of his run-ins with traffic cops. Then came the Stomp Seen 'Round The World.

What an asshole.

True, I will miss the his talent (although I will not miss his tendency to choke under pressure), but overall this is the best move, I think. There was no easy out, however. If we don't dismiss him, scandal erupts. If we dismiss him, we lose undeniable talent. In order to save face among college football and the country, he had to go. If he had done what he did anywhere but a football field, he'd be prosecuted for malicious assault. That's funny, Marcus facing prosecution? That'd be a shocker.

We can now go about reestablishing the Hokie name in collegiate sports. No more Bad Boy to spoil it.

When I think of Hokie football, I will always think of Darrell Tapp's "lunch pail" work ethic, being the first man to offer a hand to the opposing quarterback after knocking him down. I will always think of Mike Imoh, pounding through the line for a first down. I will always think of Cedric Humes' determination, playing with a broken ulna and not being slowed down one bit. I will always think of Jeff King's reliable hands and down-to-earth attitude. I will always think of John Kinzer's leap over the Boston College defender that made Lane Stadium erupt. I will always think of the Adibi's - Nathaniel and Xavier - whose steady work as defensive backs have solidified our pass defense. I will always think of Jimmy Williams' ability to pull the crowd into the game even when it looked rough. And I will always think of the spirit of camraderie that pulls together an entire university as it converges on a stadium under the evening lights to bounce, scream, and cheer.

And I will always think of how Marcus will never spoil it for us again, how he will never feel the undying love the fans have for their Hokies, how he will never again be part of a lasting college tradition - BeamerBall.